5 Powerful Tips To Stop Hating Someone
You’ll feel 10 pounds lighter after you read this article
The Power of Hate
Think about someone you hate. You hate their stinking guts. This is someone who you feel is the worst on the planet. Think about all the stuff they did and how they treated you wrong. Let it sink in for a minute then continue reading.
Now focus inward. How do you feel? There’s a good chance you feel angry, annoyed, hateful, mad and whatever other negative emotions that were stirred. Do you see what happened? It negatively impacted you, not the person you hate.
Although, didn’t it almost seem like if you hated them as much as you could muster that maybe somehow it would hurt them? That’s the silliness behind hate. Hating someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Then, they don’t die and you are left with all that pointless and unhappy frustration. Why do we do this to ourselves?
Below are 5 powerful tips to stop hating someone. These are things you need to know about your relationship with hate to feel better and not harness it:
1. You choose hate and you choose how you feel
The 1st of 5 powerful tips to stop hating someone is recognizing that you are the one who chooses to hate. Nothing is ever forced upon you. You see the person you hate as negative and this is your belief. A belief is an opinion and therefore something that can be changed. You choose to only see the negative. Therefore, you can also choose to see the positive and you can choose to have compassion for a person. You can change your belief by changing your perspective. Let me explain how a shift can be made with an example as we continue
2. The people you hate can often times indirectly lead to blessings in your life
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I used to date a guy and for privacy purposes we can call him “Joe”. I liked Joe a lot. All I ever wanted was his attention and love. Even though I was crowned the title of his girlfriend, he was the worst boyfriend on the planet. He would tell me how much he loved me and then would completely ghost. He would tell me my hair was a mess and that I probably could have picked a little trendier of an outfit that day instead of letting me know how beautiful I looked. My heart was broken and my confidence was shattered by the end of this relationship. Anyways, now that I painted the picture, would you call me crazy if I told you he was one of the biggest blessings in my life? Hear me out before you judge.
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I learned some life changing/important lessons that I needed to learn. I was brought to such a low point. I was embarrassed, I was hurt and I felt so depressed after the breakup. I was a royal jerk to him whenever I had the chance. I even kicked him off my soccer team (take that, ya jerk!). I felt like I was losing myself and my balance which caused me to search for a retreat center to find some peace.
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I came across a place called “Peace Village” and signed up immediately for some rest, relaxation and zen. My weekend at peace village changed my life forever because it helped ignite a lifelong journey of self exploration that has now become a way of life for me. Today, I have a new level of health, happiness and balance which all stemmed from this hard experience with Joe. Thank you Joe, you changed my life for the better even though I didn’t think it was possible at the time. I wouldn’t have sought out that place if it wasn’t for him.
3. Hate creates havoc in the body
That situation taught me about the impact hate can have physically and mentally on my body. I was beat down from living in such a state of anger. It caused me to act out in other areas of my life that should’ve been fine. Subconsciously, I was angry and people could feel it radiating off of me.
Mentally and physically, I felt more fatigue. I had trouble sleeping at night which caused me to struggle even more through the following day. There are stress hormones that get released in your body that cause your body to go into overdrive mode. Long term stress like this on the body will rapidly decline your health.
4. When you hate someone, it gives them power over you
How about the lesson of never giving someone that kind of power over you? I will never give someone the power to affect me in that way again. I will not let hate fill my heart on account of someone else’s actions. I choose how I am going to feel. When you hate someone, you allow their actions to control and dictate you mood, your health, your happiness and your attention. Someone so insignificant should never get that much control over you.
5. When these people you hate can lead you to life lessons
So, What are a few lessons I learned from Joe?
A. I learned that my self worth is not determined by someone else’s opinion or treatment of me. I will never feel the need to change the way I look, act or dress based on trying to earn someone’s love.
B. I know what I don’t want in a guy! My next guy will love me exactly the way I am and ya know what? I’ll love him exactly the way he is too. I know how I want to be treated and how I will treat my next partner because Joe showed me how it feels when someone tries to change you. (BTW it feels terrible)
Are you catching my drift yet, people? Joe blessed me with so many life lessons and experiences. They were painful and down right hard to endure, but they were some of the best lessons I’ve ever learned in my whole life. How can I hate him for that.
How do you forgive?
When I got home from Peace Village, I called Joe and apologized. I forgave him. I told him I didn’t agree with his behavior or treatment, but that I was still letting go because the holding onto hate thing served no valuable purpose in my life. I took responsibility for my part (talking trash and not being nice) and instantly felt 10 lbs lighter (I wish that’s how diets actually worked). Now, you don’t always need to contact the person you hate. Sometimes writing a letter and then not sending it will suffice.
Conclusion
It comes down to a choice. Are you going to choose to allow someone to have that type of control over your emotions? My vote is no. Recognize the value they brought to your life and appreciate it. Have gratitude for it. They were placed in your life for a reason so learn and grow from the experience.
Identify and understand what the lessons were.Take them with you and apply them in the future. After all, the hardest most difficult things we encounter are the things that strengthen us the most. So next time you come across a “Joe” in your life like the Joe I had in mine, remember all the reasons why you owe that Joe a big thanks VS a punch in the head.
I hope these 5 powerful tips to stop hating someone has been helpful. Want some more interesting info on the concept of hate? Click here for another interesting article by Psychology Today.
- Ally Cavosie
- May 29, 2020
- 3:33 pm
- One Comment
5 powerful tips to stop hating someone 5 powerful tips to stop hating someone 5 powerful tips to stop hating someone 5 powerful tips to stop hating someone
One Response
I really enjoyed that article. I think it represents any negative emotion we have, it doesn’t even have to be a person. I hated my house, and I hated cold weather. I was stuck because my long term boyfriend, doesn’t like change, and he really didn’t want to sell the house. I couldn’t force him, even legally, as we were not married. I tried a lot of different ways to get him to sell. It took a few years. I wasn’t sleeping well, even though I took prescription meds, I could not sleep. I was taking care of the house, it was 3 levels, it killed my knees, I had to work so hard physically to maintain the house. We ended up making a lot on the house when we sold it. I realized he was never going to leave the state and move to all year warm weather. Keeping me in the house, kept me from my dreams. I moved to Mexico, and I feel like I’m 10 years younger, I’m so happy! We maintained a long distance relationship, and when I would visit him, I would have to take sleeping meds. When he came to visit, I was stressed. I realized I was putting all my emotions on the house. It forced me to realize it wasn’t just the house. I was not happy with him, and I just could not make the break. He would always give in to whatever I said I wanted, him to change this, or stop doing that. I finally realized it was him I was truly not happy with. Even though he gave me what I wanted he had a way of making me feel less than. He talked down to me, he held me back. So I finally made the break, but have maintained a friendship. Thank you for the article, it helped me not to feel badly about it, his choices are his own. If he can’t let go, that is his issue to deal with, not mine.